hate

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
punch them all in the face hard hard hard hard
bloody nose big purple bruises bam bam bam

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
smash their faces in take that and that and that
unrecognizable features wham wham wham

arms over head pulling down
hide hide hide cry cry cry
roll into a tight ball
no no no no no no no

screammmmmmmmmm
screammmmmmmmm
screammmmmmmm
screammmmmmm
screammmmmm
screammmmm
screammmm
screammm
screamm
scream

more?

there is more. i can't believe i wrote what i wrote. first time. ever. blink. i'm still here. the world didn't end. i'm ok. blink. i feel....okay. this is good. it just is. i still made it.

i still survived. but there is more. some other time perhaps.

what is after surviving? scary thought. i survived for so long i don't know what it is not to survive, but to maybe live. is that what is next?

i really just wish someome would tell me the next step. give me the magic word, step, ritual, thoughts. wonder if i'll ever not want the easy button for this stuff.