more?

there is more. i can't believe i wrote what i wrote. first time. ever. blink. i'm still here. the world didn't end. i'm ok. blink. i feel....okay. this is good. it just is. i still made it.

i still survived. but there is more. some other time perhaps.

what is after surviving? scary thought. i survived for so long i don't know what it is not to survive, but to maybe live. is that what is next?

i really just wish someome would tell me the next step. give me the magic word, step, ritual, thoughts. wonder if i'll ever not want the easy button for this stuff.