you know how when you are in a movie theater and when you come out and it's sunny, the sun is so bright it hurts your eyes and you cover them immediately?
this is how life after removing the sword of trauma and trying to live can feel
Some days i see bright blues and yellows and feel like i can take on the world and it feels good
and other days... sigh...
i take a step and the "brightness" of living hits me smack dab in the eyes
my first inclination is to throw up my hands
WHOA! STOP! Ouch! Too Much!
i used to have blinders on, never seeing beyond the fact that i was abused
now the blinders are removed...gone for good
(they don't sorta go away; once you remove them, byebye)
it used to be so much easier when I could pull out the blinders and put them on
to sit and eat or whatever and hide
i can't find them now, but i still struggle with wanting them back
every so often I get stuck in the grayness between victim and thriver
i think i'm there right now
which is why i am blogging about it
often blogging helps me move on
we'll see
deep breath
squaring of shoulders
i am NOT defined by my abuse
gray is just another color
don't judge it
just let it be
acknowledge it
let it go
move on
and know that bright days are just around the corner
and worth experiencing a little gray for
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