My Thing?

Is advocacy for victims, survivors, thrivers my thing? Is this what I've been looking for all my life? It feels right. It feels like this is deep down "yes, you are supposed to do this." I am leery though. All my life I've found what i thought might be "it." I am notorious for starting a project and then when there are expectations of me, to just stop and run away. Is this a survivor issue? Hmm. Dunno.

I would like this to be my thing. I feel I have something to offer with my story and experiences. I think I represent the quiet, unassuming, don't notice me portion of survivors. We're the very quiet ones who carry the biggest swords, in my opinion, but we just don't know how to wield them! We're the ones who do all the unconscious thinking that we don't even know we're doing.

I am amazed now that I am able to think consciously about my abuse and my survivor issues how much I've already thought about it. Does that sound bizarre? Maybe. It TOTALLY makes sense to me!

I'm hoping by watching and researching Angela Shelton that I can wield my sword. I found it and took it out. OUCH! But after the initial pain (which was not as bad as a hyped it up to be in my mind) WHOA the freedom!

(so again here I reach the point where I am total overwhelmed inside. I have all these emotions/thoughts/feelings that are just pressing up. I must figure out what to do when I get here. They stop me. FYI: i'm trying this kind of writing to maybe break it, but it's not working. ARGHHHH!)

Squishes to me for getting this far! YOU ROCK, DI!