Humor Loss or Heightened Awareness of Women's Issues

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NOTE: The following may be a trigger. Just a loving warning.



I just returned from a Vegas trip. Had fun, except for one thing:

I was at a "dueling piano" bar. Two guys took requests for money and played vegas versions of popular songs while the audience sang along. Are you asking how come that wasn't fun?

At one point they started doing guys against gals songs. Gals tipped $60 (collectively) and piano guy #1 sang excerpts from Dancing Queen, I will survive, etc. Ya know, chick songs. Gals sang and cheered, guys moaned and groaned. Still sounds fun, eh?

Piano guy #2 gets guys to donate $75. Starts off with joke: "Woman with two black eyes asked why her man hit her. Why? Because she didn't hear him after the first one." This was followed by three jokes 1) smacking around your woman to put her in her place; 2) what is a woman good for --insert nasty open leg comment--; and 3) stupid *itches need a punch to keep them in their place.

These were inserted between some pretty nasty bawdy rewords of common songs.

(author note: what i've put in here is in no way as bad as it got. some i can remember, some i can't, some i refuse to type and put into existence again).

Now I know I was in Vegas, and bawdy and sexual is the norm, however, while the nasty songs were being sung and the violent jokes were being thrown out there, the men were catcalling and hooting and clapping while the women got quieter and quieter. I looked around and the women were tense and bordering on angry, i think. Same for me. I kept waiting for it to stop.

The more nastier the comments and songs got, the louder all the men got (not all, but at least 90%). Women starting leaving.

Piano guy #1 picked up on the change in the bar, and he tried half-heartedly to bring the fun back. (he didn't try hard enough)

I argued with myself, have I lost my sense of humor? how bad could this get? should i stand up and say something?

hell, no! not with 90% of the men in the room hollering and laughing. All i kept thinking of was the scene from the Jodie Foster movie , The Accused.

We, along with others, got up and walked out.

Now, I was arguing with myself about sense of humor? Who am I kidding? Was not funny. Why was I arguing about how offensive this was. It was horrible, misoginystic (spelling?) and scary.

I kind of put it out of my mind for the rest of the evening, but was uneasy all night. Went to bed. Had nightmares. Kept waking up hearing men laughing and hollering in the that tone (you know what I mean!). Kept having flashes of #2 and men in the audience and how their faces looked. oh god, it was scary.

Woke up crying. I don't want to minimize anything about rape, but I felt emotionally raped. And I just sat there. I know it's my safety first. I know this. And i am angry at myself for not saying anything. I did say in my head that if he says one thing about rape, I am walking right up to him and slapping him. Let me tell you , I WAS READY TO AND I WOULD HAVE.

wow

I'm almost in tears now.

I guess someone above was taking care of me because #2 just kept doing violence against women jokes and did cross that lost red line (i am just a tad disappointed...is that wrong?)

I still cannot get it out of my head. I'm writing a letter or calling Harrah's. I haven't decided which. I am still trying to get this figured out in my head. I think emotional rape is pretty up there with physical rape (that hasn't happened to me, but I wonder). I guess physical rape is both: emotional and physical, so it's the worst.

Why am I trying to make mine seem less!!??! Why am I trying to explain it away???? Is this what we do...we women? Minimize? NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE! What happened happened. It is was it is. IT TOTALLY SUCKED AND I AM MAD AS HELL ABOUT IT!

If this means I have no sense of humor left about women jokes, then so be it.

I need a freakin bat and a chair! (be right back)

a fist and a pillow is good too! ;0)

Questions:
how many women in that bar had my reaction?
how many women knew it was wrong and didn't think anything of it?
how many women were scared?
how many women knew something felt wrong, but couldn't identify it?
how many women were angry?
how many women did nothing, said nothing, pushed it deep down?
how many women rationalized the behavior by saying "well, i'm in vegas?"

how long are we going to sit back and say nothing, do nothing, continue to be beaten down emotionally?

NO LONGER! NOT ME! DONE DONE DONE!

--stream of consciousness writing--

i am soooo angry right now. just pissed off. i can feel it in my chest. i thought this blogging would help get it out. well i guess it did. it's not deep down. it's definitely clearer. i wanted to punch every man that laughed. hard. so the violence i heard made me want to be violent. great. sigh. i don't know what to do with this. it's all twisted up and black and red and hurts.

madmadmad angerangeranger rageragerage fearfearfear painpainpain redredred violentcolorsswirlingroundandround laughingmalevoicesinmyhead hatehatehate hatefulelaughtercloggingmymemories notfairnotfairnot innerchildcrying hugherhugerhugher holdtight sayingiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou ilovemeilovemeiloveme breathingslowerfeelingarelease angela angels survivors womenstandingup bethechangeiwanttosee lovelovelove squish