empty cart?

i was shopping the other day and was almost done and looked in my cart, which was 1/2full at least and thought....

there's no food in here; what am i going to eat?

some of the items in cart:
lunchmeat, bread, lettuce, fixings for chili, crackers, ground turkey breast, etc.

so there was plenty to eat

i asked myself....

what about all this food?
what food?
all THIS food?
well, yeah, but...
but....
you have to cook this

alrighty then

i asked myself how am i feeling...

couldn't answer in that moment

going to try to always ask and answer this question going forward
will it help?
dunno

onward...

Owning my inner Angel

I have to own the following things:

I am making a difference
I am healing
I am thriving
I am reaching out
I am worth the effort
I am healing
I am helping others
I am strong
I am brave
I am doing things I've never even dreamed I could think about doing

YAY ME!

Changing and a Crossroad

How do you change something in yourself that is so ingrained that you don't even know you're doing it until someone you love has to hit you over the head with it repeatedly until the lightbulb goes on?

sigh

Some of the changes I'm making are easy, some not bad, some hard, some really hard, and some I can't even figure out how to do and I know it's going to be killer.

Welcome to the killer.
How do I do what I'm going to say I'm going to do and follow through? I never think I'm not going to do something. It is always my intent. I'm learning intent is a nice to hear, but actions still speak louder than words. I am not pleased with this about myself. I hate it. I don't hate me anymore, and I refuse to go back to that place. However, I do NOT like this thing about myself.

I now see it. Big deal, Di. Whachagonnadowithit?!?!

Look to the therapist? It still comes back to me. argh.
Blog about it? It still comes back to me.

I MUST become more present on a daily and hourly and minute by minute basis. I think this has to be the starting point for me. This must be a big lesson because I keep having to deal with it over and over. Be in the world, Diana. Be a part. Share yourself and let others in that are safe...all the way in. I have the best example and I'm squandering it.

DON'T YOU DO IT DIANA. DON'T YOU DO IT.

Looking left
Looking right
Looking straight
Where to go
How to get there and STAY there and THRIVE there

I know what I have to do. It's hard and I'm afraid. Okay, come one woman! you stood on a corner in marietta,georgia alone and broke the silence and then posted a video on youtube. You've shown you have the strength to you and others over and over. Feel it. Own it. Move into a better place with it. I'm afraid. Be brave. Being brave doesn't mean you're not afraid, just that you can still act in spite of being afraid. Own the fear and move with it.

Don't give up if one thing doesn't work. Try something else. and then something else. Don't stop until you find how it gets better for you and those you love. KEEP GOING KEEP GOING NEVER STOP LEARN GROW SHARE. Be what you can be. What you've actually seen glimpses of. Be what you can be so you can be a partner and a friend.

Be you, Diana, and be strong. You're worth it and so is she.

Army of Angels 24 Hr Blogathon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Friday, Jan 9th, Army of Angels manager, Joanna Doane, will be blogging 24 hrs straight in order to raise money for Angela Shelton's Army of Angels. This national advocacy group works to raise awareness about the silent epidemic of abuse and trauma that plagues our nation in order to prevent it from spreading into the lives of another woman, man, child, or family. They're growing in numbers and teaming up with organizations who share their vision of living in a joyful world.

Starting at 8 am on the morning of January 9th Joanna will be posting a blog every half hour for a consecutive 24 hours straight! She is seeking donations for sponsorships either on a per hour basis or for a lump sum. This idea is similar to walk-a-thons where individuals are sponsored per mile walked in order to raise money for various causes. Only, with blogathons, money is raised per hour spent blogging.

So please join her on the 9th/10th at www.24hrarmy.wordpress.com. You may sign up to sponsor her there by filling out the form provided.
I SPONSORED .50 per blog posting